Growing Up In An Abusive Household

Note: Before you begin reading, this was an essay assignment from an English class I'm currently taking. I feel like posting this here for those curious. The prompt was "Write about empowerment or disempowerment".

I grew up in an abusive household. This is something I’m very open about. I was abused and neglected as a child, and all the way into my teen years. Growing up, I felt a lot of confusion and frustration. While I thought I was alone, I realized that every child faces confusion and frustration. It doesn’t matter what it is that the child is dealing with; the inability to understand their feelings (and as a direct result, articulate their thoughts) is a lack of power that all children face and need help with. Therefore, it’s not only the child’s problem, but the adult’s problem as well.

Before I go into the subject of childhood anger, I must first explain what reciprocality is. A reciprocal response is putting out what gets put in. This can be applied to many different scenarios, including anger. It’s what happened to me, my family members, and my friends. If a child constantly takes in angry behavior, it’s only a matter of time before a child starts outputting angry behavior. On top of that, it’s often the child reciprocating this behavior that gets punished because they’re the end result, and what people tend to only see. Too many times I’ve seen a punishment blindly carried out with nobody bothering to understand the child and why they might be acting the way they are. The child is unable to understand why they’re the only ones getting punished in this situation, too. This only fuels the confusion the child faces, and, invariably, the frustration and anger they feel. As a result, the whole cycle repeats itself, almost certainly worsening, too. Patience and understanding can save a child. But it’s not just children who feel anger; adults feel it, too.

Anger doesn’t magically go away. If anger is put into a child and never resolved, they will be reciprocating anger all the way into adulthood. For example, my dad had impatient parents who didn’t listen to him. This caused him a lot of grief and anger, and he didn’t get it resolved. So, when he had me, I was often on the receiving end of that misplaced anger. As a result, I myself developed misplaced anger. Anger and silence are a bad combination for anyone, regardless of the situation they’re in. This is why it’s imperative that children get help as soon as possible. Taking the time to understand leaves a profound impact on the child. Even if it seems late, listening to someone makes all the difference. My dad is listening to me now, when I’m 20. While everything that happened between us was from ages 7-14, I’ve been set free from a lot of inner demons. Not only do I have a working relationship with my dad; I have connected emotionally with him, too. I would still be reciprocating anger if he didn’t start trying to understand me. It’s never, and I reiterate: NEVER too late to listen to someone.

Listening is something everyone could use to work on. For example, this essay: Are you simply nodding along as you read it, or are you trying to process the points I’m trying to make? One must understand and apply information when it’s presented to them. I’m not writing this for someone to add to a list of mindless responses. I’m writing this to make a profound impact on parent-children relationships and the upbringing of children. I’m not one to get on a high horse and tell others how they should interpret my writing, but I really hope people take this essay to heart.

Everyone is capable of making an impact, positive or negative, and this is magnified on children. Blindly enforcing rules or punishments get nowhere. One must first question and understand before applying, otherwise, they create a wretched cycle, and if left unresolved, the repercussions are felt years and years down the line.